Jessica K Malfoy (jessicakmalfoy) wrote,
Jessica K Malfoy
jessicakmalfoy

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NaBloPoMo entry #29

Today's entry is brought to you by NaNoWriMo (at 55733 words and counting) and my mom. Specifically, my relationship with my mom.

It's kind of sad.

In my novel, my main character doesn't have a close relationship with her mother at all. She's always felt like a bit of a burden to her mom, and so when something potentially serious happens to her mom (possible breast cancer) my MC is sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office, wanting to feel the way she thinks she is supposed to, but all she feels is completely uncomfortable.

It's been a bugger to write this scene, and I've put it off to the end, even though it comes about in the first 1/3 of the novel, because I know exactly how she feels. At the beginning of the year, when my mom finally confessed that she had some sort of lump in her breast I threw a fit and insisted on going to the Doctor's office with her. And the entire time i sat in that office, I felt ... uncomfortable. That was it. Of course I didn't want anything to happen to my mom, but sadly, my mom and I are not close at all. I don't get her. I don't understand where she's coming from. I think most of the personal life choices she makes are disastrous or too 'giving' for her own good, & I can't see the bright side in anything.

In fact, we have rarely gotten along as anything more than cordial.

How sad is that?

I don't want that to happen with me and Aislynn.

If you have a good relationship with your mom, you should treasure that, and if you don't, well, I completely understand.

It's not one of those things I think I can just go out and start to fix. She and I are so different that if we weren't related, I can't imagine we'd ever talk.

But I do love her.
Tags: confession, family, nablopomo, nanowrimo
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