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Jessica K Malfoy
18 November 2011 @ 06:19 pm
Today I renewed a loan with my FAVORITE CUSTOMERS OF ALL TIME. I wish all my customers were as cool as they are. They seem like they really value life & living & get that each moment is a gift. Plus, they really seem like they're in love. They're in their late 60s. They're so cool. Today I heard about their first ever "wild" vacation in which they went to San Diego and spent all the money they had saved up for it without worrying about it, AND about his trip with their daughter to the Cowboys Stadium (which he loves).

Why can't all my customers be so awesome???

Here's a joke for you:

So there was this couple on their wedding night. The man, feeling all sorts of manly & macho, hands his trousers to his wife & says "Put these on." She thinks he's nuts, but things have been so good that day, she decides to indulge him. Of course, the pants are too big. She puts them on & they fall right off. She tells him "Honey, I can't wear your pants." Still feeling pretty damn cocky he says "Damn straight. You remember that. I wear the pants in this relationship." She looks at him, one eyebrow arched so high you can barely see it and throws her panties at him. "Yeah?" she says. "Well put these on!" And of course, he cannot fit into her panties. He struggles, but they won't go any higher than his knees. "Babe, I can't get in your panties," he complains. "Damn straight," she shoots back at him. "And you won't be getting in them until you change you attitude!"
Feeling: tiredtired
Jessica K Malfoy
17 November 2011 @ 07:31 pm
Six names you go by:
1. Jessica
2. Jess
3. Jesskat3 (my mom calls me that)
4. JessKate (my mom again)
5. Mom
6. Aislynn's mom

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. black dress
2. gray tights
3. hot pink bra

Three things you want very badly at the moment:
1. to win the lottery
2. to have control over my weight
3.to be at Disney

Three people you hope will do this meme:
1. Jess - you said you were having boring NaBloPoMo posts
2. anyone!
3. a stranger

Three things you did last night:
1. Watched the new American Horror Story
2. ate peanuts that f*cked with my UC
3. skipped church (see #2)

Three people you talked to on the phone recently:
1. stupid customers
2. applicants
3. my boss's wife

Three things you are going to do tomorrow:
1. supposed to go do something with Andre
2. write for NaNoWriMo
3. get paid

Four of your favorite drinks:
1. water
2. coffee
3. mint iced tea
4. hot tea

Three things that made you smile today:
1. Aislynn's hilarious ways
2. The MAY-JUH awkwardness of my 25 year old customer hanging around 45 minutes longer than he needed to & telling me "I like white girls." so i told him "I know your mom."
3. my friend John sending me a text that said "I need you to come here and save me from this flock of crying trannies"
Feeling: exhaustedexhausted
Jessica K Malfoy
16 November 2011 @ 12:04 pm
If you could spend a day with any fictional character, who would it be and what would the two of you do?

Caitlin from Summer Sisters. I would ask her WTF is up with her?! What happened in her life to make her so crazy and selfish? How could she act the way the did? Since it's Caitlin we'd be speidng the day in Paris or on the island of Sciliy or somewhere equally fabulous. But the conversation wouldn't be so fabulous.

In other news, there is a girl here interviewing with my boss for the open spot at my work who used to work at cards with me. I didn't remember her until I saw her. Let's just say... I could tell stories. I ran into her at a party once and what I saw was not pretty. See? You do some dumb thing once and it can haunt you forever. Not that my story will make a difference in her interview. She was 23 minutes late, so my boss was mad. Can't say I blame him.

Feeling: geekygeeky
Jessica K Malfoy
15 November 2011 @ 06:30 pm
Today's post is brought to you by Jimmy Buffett. I thought I'd share one of my favorite songs with you & tell you why :)

If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me. I love this song because it's about moving on & sometimes when you do that people get left out of your life. You grow apart, you lose touch or in some sad case, you just quit caring. I like how Jimmy sings about it kind of matter-of-factly. He still cares, but they're not talking for whatever reason, so he's just moving on.

Great line: If our lives were that simple, we'd live in the past.

In other news, my NONcustomers have driven me up the wall today. People applying for loans & people calling on "behalf" of other people seem to all be mentally incompetent. A few of my customers have been horrible too... If I call you for 10 days in a row, 18 times a day (six times per phone number, 3 phone numbers listed) and leave 1 message on each line every day, and you don't return my call... well. On the 11th day, I will call all six of the references that YOU LEFT FOR ME TO CALL! So don't call back screaming because I embarrassed you. Because the truth is, I am super nice. When I call references, I pretend that my dead beat customers are NOT late on payments, but that I only have a simple question for them. I never reveal information (mostly because it's illegal).

That's kind of how my day was.

Also, I volunteered to babysit for my boss this weekend for his birthday :) His son is the cutest thing ever & his wife wants to take him out for a wild weekend.

Feeling: grumpygrumpy
Jessica K Malfoy
14 November 2011 @ 06:30 pm
This morning's entry was subject to my loud squeals and nothing else. I feel like I should put in a LITTLE more effort at least.

So let me start by saying this. After watching the trailer 3216473651 times today, i'm starting to wonder how the heck Miley Cyrus gets ANYTHING done. Her boyfriend Liam plays Gale and every time he opens his mouth, my heart jumps just a little bit. Enough that I'm about to go watch The Last Song, even though I've heard it's incredibly sad. His voice is just so nice. And by nice I mean MakesMeHeartGoNutsSomebodyBreakOutThePantyDrier.

I swear, I spend all week looking forward to Wednesday and Friday now, just for American Horror Story and Supernatural. Today I kept thinking about AHS and then as soon as I watch a new episode, I'll start wishing for Supernatural.

Okay, so Miley Cyrus is walking on the beach in combat boots so far in this movie. Really? Okay, so far, Liam looks better as Gale. Indeed.

I don't really have a ton more to say today. Well I do, but it's not that interesting.

Oooo I just thought of something! Do yall Pintrest? It's pretty damn cool. It's like a virtual bulletin board. I am always bookmarking pictures of stuff, so it's quite handy for me. Everything in one place. There was something else. But I can't remember it now. I do you'll be the first to know.

OH DANG I REMEMBERED! Look at this recipe!!!!!!!! Vodka Hot Chocolate with Baileys Marshmallows! Seriously that looks so good. While that kind of vodka is quite yummy, if you haven't tried it before, I would say be VERY careful. you will get VERY drunk VERY quickly. i'm going to make it without the vodka but with the Bailey's homemade marshmallows. delish!

Feeling: awakeawake
Jessica K Malfoy
14 November 2011 @ 07:56 am

I CAN'T STOP SQUEE-ING!!!!!!!!!! The new Hunger Games trailer looks so cool.

Jessica K Malfoy
13 November 2011 @ 11:45 am
I hit the halfway point at NaNoWriMo. Halfway plus 44 words to be exact! I'm glad because I am behind in other stuff. I'm beta-ing 2 things right now and I haven't gotten very deep into them yet (although I will today because I promised their owners i'd return them today!), plus I'm behind at one of my RPGs. I only got the other one caught up last night. I am also getting concerned about my goal of reading 100 books this year. I don't think it's going to happen. I might be able to shoot for 80 but for 2012, it's definitely going to be 100.

My eating habits are heading down the road known as nerve-wracking again. They did this last year & I lost 40 lbs in about 3 months, which was super fab except that I gained about half of my total weight loss back. The upside to this now is that I'm actually exercising (bike riding, walking places, snowboarding, etc. I don't do gym time) so maybe it will stay off but I'd love to have a healthy relationship with food. However, unless you're a person who naturally likes to eat veggies & lean meats and you love to exercise (and there are like 4 of those people in the world) i'm coming to the conclusion that in this day and age, healthy food relationships don't exist. I think people who say they have a healthy food relationship are lying. Last night I found myself reading all these website i've had bookmarked from last year about "tips" to help you with cravings, over-eating & losing weight. While they all seem to start off with good intent, they slide downhill after a while & offer tips like "cut an apple into 4. if you have 1 piece for breakfast, 1 for lunch and 1 for dinner, you'll still have a piece left over for a snack."



that's not helpful in the least.

then there are words like "thinspiration". google that & you'll find a few reasonable things but mostly you'll find pictures of girls and guys in their knickers who look like walking skeletons. Like they're going to drop dead any second. that's just nasty. i want a person with a similar body type to me who is fit to call thinspiration. not someone who thinks bones are sexy. i don't have boobs like Kate Winslet or Sofia Vergara but those are purchase-able, right?

but i'm just rambling now, so i'm gonna wrap this up and drink more coffee and take more vitamins.


i was just kidding!
Feeling: indifferentindifferent
Jessica K Malfoy
12 November 2011 @ 10:12 am
Today's NaBloPoMo is brought to you by the following:
JK Rowling

Lets start with Paris. I guess i dreamed I was back in Paris last night, because I woke up feeling warm and happy (that could have also been my groovy flannel sheets) thinking about croissants, cappuccino and the world's most delicious orange juice. I would very much like to go back there and spend a little more time. I read in a book (The Last Little Blue Envelope) that no one "gets" Paris the first time around. I believe that. I sure didn't. Don't know how they make their orange juice, but it was amazing. just amazing. same with the cappuccinos. i haven't found an American cappuccino that came even close. Chocolate infused croissants at a sidewalk cafe across from Notre Dame in the summer. Perfect much?
A really big expensive Parisian breakfast. We split it among 3 of us so it was more reasonable! People say that the bacon in Europe sucks. Well, I have to say I love my back CRISPY. like it breaks when I look at it crispy. this (and what i had in London) was more like thin shaved ham, so I really adored it. yummy yummy all around! Hi! We just arrived in Paris!

Next, FOOTBALL. If you're not from the south, you can still REALLY, REALLY love football. Trust me, I've seen it. But I don't think you can possibly understand that deep personal feeling you get when you hear the word(s?) SEC or truely understand a football rivalry. Don't call it a religion though. Southerns have plenty of that too, and while they do mix, your favorite team would never expect you to miss Sunday morning service for a game. No, if there has to be a game on a Sunday, they will politely wait (at their own churches) until service is over. The importance of praying before a game shouldn't be underestimated. Now of course, that doesn't just cover football. Recently I posted a picture of surfing great Kelly Slater (aka Ke11y) praying before a heat, but general sports and religion is a whole different subject for another day. http://pics.livejournal.com/jessicakmalfoy/pic/001a2rq4/

Back to FOOTBALL. I have decided that I want Aislynn to go to AUBURN. While it's very true that I can't actually MAKE her go anywhere for college, it IS true that I am the mommy who holds the key to her 529 college fund. My choices for her are Auburn, LSU, followed by UNM. Cause if she can't get in there, she might as well go to UNM and take advantage of the lottery scholarship this state gives to everyone who graduates here.

If she went to bama, i'd have to financially cut her off. I just couldn't do it. Speaking of bama, here are some bama fans at last week's bama VS LSU game:

I get happy when I see this!

Now to JK Rowling. As I mentioned yesterday, I wrote a post about how she was one of my heroes, but it got deleted. So, let me summarize that for you again. It's not just because of Harry Potter that JKR is so awesome. It's mostly because of the circumstances that she was in and then pulled herself out of. She was a single mom on welfare when she was writing it. She could have been like "oh sucky i'm on welfare. i have this cool book idea but i'd rather just sit here on welfare all day and sob about it." but she didn't. i'm a huge fan of rising above your current circumstances, so the fact that she did thrills me to no end.

and Supernatural. This season just keeps getting better and better! Last night's episode was super funny, plus it had Crowley, who i seem to have some sort of randomly odd crush on. I really like him. I want to see him & the boys team up where no one gets the shaft in the end!

Lastly, NaNoWriMo. Since I've decided to snag me an agent next year, I was thinking of asking someone to read and edit the first 50 pages of my novel. What's a good price for that? Anyone know?
I Am Here: my desk
Feeling: creativecreative
Hearing: morphine - rain
Jessica K Malfoy
11 November 2011 @ 02:34 pm
Who are your heroes?

I just wrote a book's worth of info for this post & it didn't get saved!

Guess I'll be doing it tonight.

EDIT: originally this was a very long post about how JK Rowling was my hero & all the reasons why, then I went on to talk all kinds of stuff about NaNoWriMo, my novel, how American Horror Story gave me inspiration and... lots of stuff.

anyway, i went to post it and it all went away! that sucks!

however, when just that question up there posted, syven answered it and that turned out to be really cool! so if you wanna tell me your heroes, i'd love to know and tomorrow i'll repost all the other things i wanted to say.

Feeling: curiouscurious
Jessica K Malfoy
10 November 2011 @ 09:48 am
Resolutions, 2 months early.

Here are my resolutions. I've decided to go ahead & make them.

1. Read 100 books (this is also my goal for this year. i'm about 20 books away, which isn't bad except that it's NaNoWriMo so this month there won't be a lot of that).

2. Send my novel to 50 different agents. Or more.

3. Blog at least 4 times a week.

4. Quit starving myself to lose weight. Exercise more. Seriously. In any way, shape or form.

5. Have sex with a supermodel. Or Paul Walker. I say this every year!

Feeling: amusedamused
Hearing: shwayze - get you home
Jessica K Malfoy
09 November 2011 @ 12:37 pm

Today's entry is brought to you by my insane love of Paul Walker. Y'all know how much I really & truly love him, right? Well I do. So much that I'm dedicating an entire post to him! (pretty sure I've done that before!) and as I said last night on twitter, he makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Actually I think I said he makes my vajayjay explode....

Also, I'm pretty dang sure I'd trade in everything on my bucket list for a tumble with that man.

So. His movie The Lazarus Project popped up on Netflix last night & even though I own it, I stayed up late watching it... Then drooling over pictures of him on the Internet... Yeah. That man is just beautiful. I can't get over it. I have read that he's obsessed with measuring his body fat, but hey maybe it's a rumor... And if not, well it's paying off!!!! Not to mention that me makes me wanna do a little less starving myself & a little more gym time (speaking of that, the weight loss has been steady. That's good.)

My obsession with him runs so deep that one of the characters in my novel series I'm writing is named Walker... yup. That's how I roll. There's an excerpt up of the 3rd novel at NaNoWriMo if you wanna look. My name there is jesskat3.

I'm going to add pix of him, but my app isn't being weird and shuts down every time I try, so for now, yall will have to be satisfied with my icon.

What is your favorite PW movie? Do you have it? If not, do you want it? Also, have you seen his Christmas movie, Noel? It's good. Has Penelope Cruz, Robin Williams, etc...

he is wet. now i am too. just sayin'

i want to marry him. no lie.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Feeling: amusedamused
Hearing: foster the people
Jessica K Malfoy
08 November 2011 @ 08:34 am
It's snowing.

Hopefully not enough to stick, but it's cold & it's coming down.

Stupid weather.

i love the beginning of fall but not the end. YICK!

i've become obsessed in a matter of 24 hours with Violet & Tate from An American Horror Story, or VIOLATE, as I guess they're called (which made me squee all over the place). i'm so obsessed that last night while i was out and about, i kept thinking of how much i wanted to come home & read fan fic. thank goodness for fan fic.

i wish my old external hard drive would work. i'd REALLY love to get all my old pix off it. hummm. i wonder if Best Buy or someone can do surgery on it. it's full of photos, icons, tv shows, etc that i would enjoy not having to re-download.

my NaNoWriMo is at 14257. i didn't write much yesterday. I was just too tired.

lastly, here's a pretty picture (that i didn't take) for you:

That is at the top of my To See list. I think it would be so cool.

Feeling: naughtynaughty
Jessica K Malfoy
06 November 2011 @ 07:18 pm
the good news is that my phone is working again. i stuck it in rice overnight & now it turned on. i'm not complaining.

the bad news is that when all my texts came through this morning, i was PISSED. a certain male who showed up at that party friday night apparently felt that since he quote "left his friends" to be with me (apparently he forgot that he LEFT THE FREAKING PARTY TO GO HANG WITH HIS FRIENDS, LEAVING ME THERE) that i should have jumped on it when he called back.

what. ever.

so i am going to take today's blog to give all the dumbass males who read this (and i know there are none. i have 1 guy on my flist & it's totallygay81 and he's much brighter than this. but still. just in case any stumble across this, here we go.) a piece of my mind.


1. Smiling at you does not mean we want to have sex with you.
2. Flirting at you does not mean we want to have sex with you.
3. Even inviting you to a party because we like you does not mean we want to have sex with you!

I think that's pretty simple, right?


Yall know me. yall know i'm not waiting for marriage or anything like that. but what's so difficult about having a crush on someone (even if it's a crush that's gone on for 2+ years) and still not wanting to jump into the sack with them the first time you see them outside of work?


know what this means?

it means i will NEVER give said person another chance.

on a different subject, NaNoWriMo, i have a question. I have read exactly 2 Young Adult books that mention blow jobs. one is that book Looking For Alaska and it's not super detailed, but you know what's up. there is mentions of mouth on weenie. and then there is Marked which is the 1st of a vampire series and it just kind of says that the Main Character witnesses someone giving someone else one. however, it does get pretty crazy with the sex scenes IMO. it talks about Zoey (the MC) riding someone for the 1st time. anyway, i digress.

my question is, should BJ's even be mentioned in a YA book?

I Am Here: work
Feeling: bitchybitchy
Hearing: one republic - good life
Jessica K Malfoy
06 November 2011 @ 09:24 am
Happy Sunday!

Yesterday I went to Andre's to watch the LSU/alabama game. while it was kinda boring (NO touchdowns at all), LSU won in overtime and that made me one happy lady! besides the fact that i despise alabama, LSU is my 2nd favorite college team (the first is Auburn. WAR EAGLE BABY!). needless to say, i was the ONLY LSU fan there. everyone else was hardcore bama fans or bama bandwagoners because their significant others like it. it was great.

i've also developed a bit of a crush on LSU's cornerback Tyrann Mathieu. Yes, he is only 19 but that's still legal. sure, he seems to be cocky as all get out, but hello! he's being treated like a rock star. it happens.

he's pretty.

Feeling: chipperchipper
Jessica K Malfoy
05 November 2011 @ 11:58 am

i partied a little too much like a rock star last night. i am not going into details since this is a public post for NaBloPoMo but, i am not doing that again.... heck no. although parts of it were fun >:) i think... The way i feel right now? that's not fun!

and my iphone broke. it won't come on at all which is a huge bummer. luckily i have apple care, so i'll go get it fixed/replaced today, but still, it's weird. i miss it.

i forgot to update my NaNoWriMo count yesterday, so i did it now after finishing some more writing and i'm at 12174. pretty good. i love watching that bar grow taller :)

the cat is sleeping in my bed. still. she wanted to come in the house last night when i got home, a little after 3, but didn't. i think i may have accidentally slammed the door shut. no matter though, cause i woke up about 6 to find her in my room and she is still sleeping and it's noon. oh well, it was snowing this morning, so i can't blame her. if the room would stop spinning, i'd go back to sleep too!

Feeling: drunkhung over
Jessica K Malfoy
04 November 2011 @ 06:08 pm
today i'd like to share stuff with you. so i will.

Here is the new tattoo i'm thinking of gettingCollapse )

Yup, it's another song. But it has powerful lyrics... that will put me at 9 tattoos if I get it. Hmmmmm. decisions. If i do get it, it'll be a long way in the future.

also, there is supposed to be a new Hunger Games preview coming out soon. I NEED to see it. the one we have now isn't doing me any good... well, i do get to hear Gale's sexy voice... fuck i'm team gale.

lastly, i really like cher lloyd. she's very different.

Feeling: chipperchipper
Hearing: cher lloyd
Jessica K Malfoy
03 November 2011 @ 08:40 am
things on my mind today.

Lindsay Lohan. WHY OH WHY can't that girl get her shit together? she's going back to jail. big shocker. she has thrown so much potential into the garbage can.

Kelly Slater. On the anniversary of Andy Irons' death, he nabbed his ELEVENTH World Champion surfing title. day-um boy! you on fire!

Here's some photos yanked from the Surfer Mag website:

Paddle out circle for Andy Irons to start off yesterday's final day of the Rip Curl Pro

Kelly Slater, praying... with an audience. Definite downside of being famous. Try to have a moment alone with God & the world tries to share. Good for him for praying though.

And here's Kelly on his winning wave. Uh-May-Zing!

NaNoWriMo. my document from day 1 froze up yesterday. said the file was corrupted. i went through all sorts of hoops and got it back. lets hope that doesn't happen again.

my stepsister's ex-boyfriend kicked me off his facebook friends page. i guess we were never friends on our own, but still. just cause you got a new girl doesn't mean we can't be friendly. whatever. i throw people off my FB all the time!

breaking dawn. i can't wait. enough said.

chick-fil-a hates gay people apparently. that's just so sad. and not just because i love their food and lemonade but refuse to go there now. how can you call yourself Christian or a Christian organization when you clearly hate people? guess what? God made them too! as if they're perfect!

yesterday i opened the hall closet to get my coat and THREE folding chairs fell on my ankle. it is painful and poor Aislynn had to hear me dropping several F bombs at 8 am.

World War 21065461 seems to be brewing in my house. For once it doesn't involve me, but it sure is annoying to be around. More details on that in a private post, I think.

i reached 5291 words yesterday with NaNoWriMo. pretty good considering i wasn't feeling it at all. i was doing what they call "shitty first drafts" for sure!

last night the cat slept in my bed. kinda cute, kinda gross. i love my bird. my bird stays in his cage & makes a GIANT mess but its easy to clean. my cat has lived outdoors for like... 11 years? now he/she is old & it's cold & i can't blame her for wanting to hang out inside. but my bed? right next to my face? when i see people walking around with animal hair stuck to their clothes i get a little grossed out, i'll admit. however, my cat is cute. and small. so i let her sleep there. she even MEOWED her face off at 7 am until i got up & let her outside. what a good cat. and then i went all OCD and cleaned the heck out of my bedspread.

here (s)he is, thinking (s)he owns the place....

Feeling: awakeawake-ish
Jessica K Malfoy
02 November 2011 @ 11:24 am
Today is one year since Andy Irons died.

I still can't really believe it. That means his son is almost a year old. Depression and drug use are sad, horrible things that go hand in hand, making it hard for the rest of us to figure out what is going on & what to do.

From my perspective, Andy had it all. He was just as good as Kelly Slater. He was geared to be the next World's Greatest Surfer. He had a gorgeous wife, a baby on the way, endorsements and royalties in every direction and just about everything I could imagine wanting. Except that he wasn't happy. He'd taken a year off because he said he didn't love surfing anymore. Seems strange to me, since I give loans and collect on loans for a living, that someone who made LOTS of money to be a professional at what most people would consider a hobby could be unhappy, but that's depression for you, I guess.

In the end, the autopsy said he died of a drug induced heart attack.

He was alone in a hotel bed in Texas.

What a way to go for someone who seemed to have so much. Just alone.

Please get help if you need it. You could start by telling someone. If you don't know who to tell, you can tell me. I'll do all I can, I promise.

So. Here's an video montage of some Andy photos that are amazing. He looks like he's flying. I always imagine that surfing is the closest humans can get to flying on their own. It just seems like freedom. It's on my bucket list ♥

Andy Irons Tribute from Brian Bielmann from Scott Mortensen on Vimeo.

oh, and a quick EDIT: i found this article online today, which is 10x world champ (soon to be 11 if all goes well in San Francisco today!!!!) Kelly Slater (i have that icon of me grabbing his crotch... it's in a poster, but still!) talking about his experiences with Andy. Very good. I got all teary at work.
Kelly Remembers Andy

I Am Here: work
Feeling: thankfulthankful
Jessica K Malfoy
01 November 2011 @ 08:43 pm
It's also NaBloPoMo.

I like to do that plus NaNoWriMo because quiet frankly, I like to over achieve.

Today, I have a 1 day late Halloween joke for you:

Q: Why don't witches and wizards have babies?
A: They have Hallow-Weenies.

Brought to you by ... my mother. Yup.

I'm currently at 1532 words for NaNoWriMo as well. My personal daily goal is 2200 so I bet getting writing, considering how tired I am! I love this month. I love writing a fresh, new novel that's been rattling around in my head after a year of editing the older one. So far I have ONE rejection letter. That's not nearly enough, not when everything else is just silence... Better send out my novel some more.

And I think I'm getting sick. I have that Help I'm Not Really Here Feeling going on. Ugh. Even my boss commented on it. That's awkward.

I also really like this month because people actually post in their LJs and quiet frankly, it gets a lil quiet around here!

Lastly, here's a random picture of the day. It's not mine but it reminds me of when I lived in Hawaii. Some nights during the week our church had services on the other side of the island, so we would drive on the road that ran right on the shore, and occasionally, that's what it looked like. I loved it.

Feeling: bouncybouncy
Hearing: love death birth - breaking dawn OST
Jessica K Malfoy
11 October 2011 @ 11:16 pm

this canNOT possibly be legit. it's a prank......... right?


Feeling: confusedconfused